Many people who have just started "sugar dating" (compensated dating) probably lack confidence in how to behave in a way that is not rude.
In conclusion, manners are more influential than compatibility in determining whether someone wants to meet you again, and even something as simple as your choice of words or the timing of your thanks can change the subsequent relationship and the amount of compensation you receive.
If you understand the proper etiquette for each situation, even beginners should be able to move forward with confidence.
If you'd like to start by learning about proper etiquette for different situations, please go to "Etiquette for Contacting and Messaging." If you want to check what you absolutely must not do, please go to "Absolutely Forbidden Etiquette Violations."
The situations in which manners are put to the test vary depending on the stage of the activity.Basic steps from registration to relationship buildingKeeping this in mind will make it easier to understand which scene is being discussed.
Aya
Hi, I'm Aya, 26 years old, and have been involved in sugar dating for 4 years. I mainly share basics for beginners and how to deal with problems when they arise. I myself started this activity without knowing anything, and I've had many close calls with my wording and timing of expressing gratitude. This time, I've compiled some manners to keep in mind in different situations, including those mistakes I've made.
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Three reasons why good manners are necessary in sugar dating
Some people might think that "manners are too rigid," but in reality, whether or not you can follow manners greatly affects whether you can continue doing it and the amount of compensation (the payment you receive from male members in sugar dating).
Survey of 1,093 female PATOLO membersHowever, the results show that many people prioritize the quality of the men they choose, that is, both their financial stability and trustworthiness.
This result suggests that dignified conduct leads to trust.
Manners influence whether you get the next invitation and the amount of compensation.
Sugar dating isn't a one-time thing; it's a relationship that ends after a while. By continuing it, you can achieve a stable income.
Aya
When I first started out, I was so focused on the terms and conditions that my language became sloppy, and I experienced a lack of follow-up invitations. Conversely, once I started making an effort to be polite and courteous, the number of people who wanted to meet regularly increased.
Making clients want to see you again is the foundation for continued service and increased pay.
Wealthy and older male members place more importance on dignity and manners.
Some people think that it's okay if the dish is a little sloppy, especially if it's done by someone from a rural area or an older man, but in reality, the opposite is true.
Men with high social status are accustomed to polite behavior in their daily lives, and therefore tend to be more sensitive to rude language and attitudes.
PATOLO's Survey67.6% of female members responded that they prioritize the quality of the men when choosing a service.
Conversely, this result suggests that men also observe women's dignity and behavior in a similar way.
Three risks of violating etiquette (being cut off, having your pay reduced, and being reported)
If you take breaches of etiquette lightly, it may unexpectedly make the activity itself difficult.
- The relationship was cut off.
- Your allowance will be reduced.
- In severe cases, users may be reported and blocked.
If a relationship ends, you'll have to start over from scratch to find your next partner, which takes time and effort. A damaged impression will also make negotiations more difficult, and your compensation may even decrease.
In more serious cases, such behavior may result in being reported or blocked for violating the terms of service. Therefore, even for those who abide by the rules, it's essential to be mindful of maintaining polite and courteous conduct.
[Contact/Message] Manners to follow when engaging in sugar dating
The exchange of messages often precedes the face-to-face meeting (the first time you actually meet in person in a sugar daddy arrangement). Since much of the first impression is formed here, it's worth paying attention to even the first message.
When speaking to someone older than you, use polite language and respectful speech as a basic rule.
Since your sugar daddy will almost always be older than you, you should generally be mindful of using polite language.
Aya
I once had an experience where, after we had become somewhat close, I started to use more casual language, and the other person suddenly became cold and stopped contacting me altogether. Even if you feel like you've become close, it's safer to maintain polite language in written communication.
If you want to close the distance between you, it's enough to wait for the other person to start using casual language first, and then gradually adjust to their style.
Please reply promptly and consider the timing and frequency of your replies.
Prompt and considerate responses are key factors in building trust. As a general guideline, responding within half a day will help build trust.
On the other hand, it's also important to be considerate and adjust the timing of sending messages slightly when the recipient is likely to be at work, late at night, or spending time with family.
Send a thank-you message immediately after the date ends.
After a date or meeting, it's customary to send a thank-you message in addition to saying "thank you" at the time, after you've parted ways.
Aya
I once put off sending a thank you note and ended up losing touch with the person. It's best to plan both expressing gratitude at the time and sending a follow-up thank you note together to avoid leaving a bad impression.
Examples of OK and NG thank-you messages that you can use as is.
For those who are unsure of the appropriate phrasing, we have compiled example sentences for various situations.
| scene | Example of a thank-you message |
| After the meeting | Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedule today. I really enjoyed our conversation. I hope we can meet again. |
| After the date | Thank you for the wonderful meal today. Thank you for taking me to such a lovely restaurant. I would love to see you again next time. |
| Rejection reply | Thank you for the invitation. Unfortunately, some aspects of this offer don't quite match my requirements, so I'll have to decline. I hope we can work together again in the future. |
Some behaviors to avoid include reading a message but not replying, sending only a single emoji, or not sending a thank you until the next day or later.
A polite word can make a huge difference in how others perceive you.
Regarding word choice and timing of replies in sugar daddy messages,Tips for messaging in sugar daddy relationshipsWe also provide specific details in the section below.
[Meeting People & Appearance] Manners that Determine First Impressions
The face-to-face meeting is a crucial moment in sugar dating, as it's where first impressions are made. The atmosphere and demeanor that can't be conveyed through messages alone directly influence how you're perceived.
Don't be late, arrive 5 minutes early, and avoid looking at your smartphone.
Arrive at the meeting about 5 minutes early to show that you don't want to keep the other person waiting. Put your smartphone on silent mode during the conversation and avoid looking at the screen while the other person is away from their seat.
Aya
I myself have had the experience of being distracted by my smartphone during a meeting, but after the other person noticed, I always make sure to put it in my bag.
The very act of concentrating on the conversation contributes to a polite impression.
Choose clothing that is clean and appropriate for the occasion.
When it comes to clothing, avoid anything that is too revealing or flashy, and aim for a clean, neat, and elegant look.
The appropriate attire differs depending on whether you're meeting at a cafe or having dinner at a restaurant, so it's important to choose an outfit that suits the location.
The key points for choosing your outfit are:Fashion coordination tips for sugar datingThis is presented in a section categorized by situation.
We've put together a simple checklist of points you should confirm before meeting someone.
- Did you double-check the meeting place and time the day before?
- Is your attire appropriate for the occasion?
- Did you put your smartphone on silent mode?
- Have you tried to recall the other person's profile and the content of your conversations?
Don't pry into the other person's life or bombard them with questions.
We avoid asking questions that delve into personal information such as workplace, address, or family structure. In sugar dating, it's an unspoken understanding that both parties address each other by their registered names and avoid prying into each other's backgrounds more than necessary.
Even if you have something on your mind, instead of bombarding the other person with questions one after another, try to limit your conversation to what they are willing to share. This will help maintain a comfortable distance.
The flow of the meeting and examples of conversations on the day are as follows:Complete Guide to Meeting Your Sugar DaddyThis is explained in more detail in [the relevant section].
[During meals and dates] Manners for maintaining dignity
The time spent eating or on a date can be crucial in determining whether or not the relationship will continue. Even if you're not confident in your knowledge of etiquette at upscale restaurants, knowing the basics should be sufficient.
Basic table manners and dining etiquette
During meals, avoid making noise while eating, placing your smartphone on the table, and expressing extreme likes and dislikes.
You don't need to perfectly memorize every detail of etiquette at high-end restaurants; simply spending about five minutes beforehand researching basic table manners is sufficient.
Since the other person is also observing your attitude towards enjoying the meal and your expression of gratitude, focusing on natural behavior rather than formality will lead to a better impression.
Show your gratitude through words and actions.
Express your gratitude with sincere words such as, "Thank you for the meal," or "I had a great time today."
Aya
I make it a point to express my gratitude each time I'm treated to a meal, rather than taking it for granted.
Whether or not gratitude is expressed through your attitude and facial expressions will naturally be conveyed to the other person.
Don't just talk about money and conditions.
Limit discussions about allowances and conditions to what is necessary, and avoid letting money dominate the conversation.
While it's important to check the terms and conditions, giving the impression that this is your only objective will make you seem calculating.
Having a willingness to enjoy natural conversations about the other person's work, hobbies, and other topics makes it easier for the relationship to last.
[Allowances and thanks] How to receive and the etiquette of expressing gratitude
The exchange of payment is a unique aspect of sugar dating. Every action can change the impression you make, so it's important to be aware of basic etiquette.
To avoid confusion regarding how to receive the payment, the crucial step is determining the amount.Timing and examples for bringing up the topic of compensation.This section deals with methods for making decisions in advance.
Handle with both hands carefully; do not check the contents on the spot.
When you receive your payment, accept it with both hands and express your gratitude.
Avoid counting the number of items inside on the spot; instead, show a polite and professional attitude when accepting the gift.
Be aware of the going rate for allowances.
Operating without knowing the market value can lead to selling at a low price or, conversely, being offered an unnaturally high price and missing dangerous signs.
According to a survey of 1,093 female PATOLO members, the median desired allowance varies between 42,324 yen and 63,275 yen depending on the type of relationship.
Looking at the results by age group, those in their 30s and 40s had the highest average spending, at 61,212 yen.
| Median desired allowance by relationship type | Indication |
| Overall median range | 42,324yen〜63,275yen |
| Median for people in their 30s and 40s | ¥61,212 |
Market prices vary depending on age and region, so these figures may not directly apply to your situation. Please use them only as one factor in your decision-making.
Knowing the going rate is itself a matter of courtesy to protect yourself. If you would like to know more about the concept and mechanism of allowances,What is compensation?"Please also see.
For detailed market rates by region and type of relationship, see "The Complete Guide to Sugar Daddy Allowance RatesIt is all summarized in "[ ]".
Being able to check the estimated compensation and type of relationship before meeting makes it easier to understand the going rate and make a decision.
Additionally, understanding the system and the types of male members you can meet will help you proceed with your activities with greater peace of mind.
*You will be redirected to a page where you can review information before registering.
How to express gratitude when you receive a gift
Not only when receiving payment, but also when receiving a gift, I express my gratitude at the time, and then send another thank you message later.
Sharing how you actually use or wear the product makes it easier to please the other person.
8 absolute no-nos when it comes to sugar dating
On the other side of "manners that should be followed" are the behaviors that can ruin relationships. We've compiled eight behaviors that are particularly likely to cause you to lose trust, categorized by situation.
Habitual last-minute cancellations/lateness / No-shows
The most common cause of losing trust is the failure to keep promises.
- Repeatedly canceling at the last minute
- Being late becomes commonplace
If you have to change your plans due to unavoidable circumstances, it's important to contact them as soon as possible and suggest an alternative date. Canceling without notice is the worst possible thing you can do and could end the relationship.
All they talk about is money and they unilaterally demand increases in allowances.
Be careful, as some behaviors can give the impression of being calculating or self-serving.
- They spend most of their conversation talking about money.
- Demanding a unilateral increase in allowances
Negotiating terms is not inherently bad, but making demanding requests before a relationship of trust has been established will make the other party uncomfortable. Negotiations should ideally be conducted politely and respectfully after a relationship has been built.
Investigating personal information, posting on social media, and taking photos without permission.
Actions that infringe on privacy directly increase the risk of your identity being revealed.
- Investigating someone's personal information
- Post pictures of you meeting on social media
- Taking photos or videos without permission
Avoid asking for or disclosing any personal information about the person you are photographing. If you wish to take a photograph, you must obtain the person's permission beforehand.
Sarcasm and abusive language when ending a relationship (how to politely decline)
Even when ending a relationship, manners are still important.
- Saying something sarcastic when parting ways
- To utter abusive language
Maintaining a polite and courteous demeanor until the very end will help you avoid unnecessary trouble. Emotional words carry the risk of unexpectedly provoking retaliatory actions, so choose a way of communicating that allows you to maintain a calm and respectful distance.
Examples of specific ways to decline include:A Guide to Politely Saying No" for a detailed introduction.
How to identify and deal with male members with bad manners
It's not just women whose manners are being questioned. From the perspective of protecting women's safety, here are some behaviors and actions that men should be mindful of and how to deal with them.
Avoid male members who are arrogant or look down on others because of money.
If a man acts condescendingly towards you, believing that "the one paying is superior," it's wise to cut ties with him early on as a form of self-preservation.
Arrogant behavior often escalates as the relationship progresses.
How to deal with male members who aggressively demand adultery.
If someone tries to force you into a sexual relationship (a euphemism for a physical relationship) without your prior consent, you need to firmly refuse.
Aya
I have also had an experience in the past where I was strongly pressured to do something outside of the agreed-upon terms, but by clearly stating my intentions at the time, it did not lead to any further trouble.
When asked to do something beyond what you have agreed upon, it is important to avoid giving vague answers and instead draw a clear line to protect yourself.
Keep a safe distance; use reporting or blocking.
When you feel you are in danger, it's important to distance yourself from the situation rather than endure it. Changing your contact information or using the reporting or blocking features of the services you use are also effective countermeasures.
If you want to quickly spot someone whose manners don't suit you, checking out the system that allows you to see what kind of male member they are before meeting them will give you more information to help you make a decision.
*This will take you to a page explaining how PATOLO works.
Frequently Asked Questions about Etiquette in Sugar Dating
Here are some frequently asked questions about the etiquette of "sugar dating" (papakatsu).
Q1. What kind of message should I send as a thank you?
In addition to expressing your gratitude, it's a good idea to include specific details about what you enjoyed that day and a brief remark that could lead to a future meeting. It doesn't need to be long; a concise message is fine.
Q2. Until when should I continue using polite language when meeting someone for the first time?
Generally, it's best to continue using polite language. If the other person starts using more casual language first, observe their reaction and gradually adjust your own language accordingly.
Q3. Will my pay increase if I follow the rules of etiquette?
Manners and the amount of pay are not directly linked. However, courteous service is more likely to lead to continued business and better terms, and as a result, it often leads to higher pay.
Q4. If I make a mistake with etiquette, can I make up for it?
You can recover by apologizing promptly and improving your subsequent actions.
Aya
I myself have had the experience of being able to maintain a relationship after making a rude mistake by sincerely apologizing and then contacting the other party politely. Maintaining a sincere attitude is the most important thing.
Q5. What if I'm not confident about dining etiquette at a high-end restaurant?
A quick 5-minute review of basic table manners beforehand is sufficient. A grateful attitude and natural behavior will convey more than strict formality.
Summary | In sugar dating, manners make all the difference. Choosing a safe and secure environment is also important.
In sugar dating, your evaluation isn't just based on the terms and conditions, but also on the accumulation of your daily behavior. Finally, let's review some things to keep in mind in different situations.
| scene | Things to keep in mind |
| Contact/Message | Use polite language as a basis, and send replies and thank-yous promptly. |
| Meeting and personal grooming | Arrive 5 minutes early, avoid using your smartphone, and dress appropriately for the occasion. |
| During a meal/date | Be mindful of your manners and avoid focusing solely on money. |
| Compensation/gratitude | Receive it carefully with both hands and understand the market price. |
Small details like your choice of words, mannerisms, and the timing of your thank yous can make all the difference in whether or not someone wants to see you again.
At the same time, no matter how well you behave, you cannot control the manners or safety of the other party.
Therefore, choosing a service that provides an environment where you can meet male members who have gone through a screening process including interviews, and that has robust safety features, is an important decision for continuing your activities.
It's important to note that "sugar dating" isn't suitable for everyone.
People who think "the one paying is superior" and belittle the other person, or those who find politeness and consideration burdensome, may not be suited to sugar dating in the first place.
By understanding proper etiquette for different situations, you can build relationships where others want to meet you again. It's also important to choose environments where that etiquette is properly appreciated.
*You can find more detailed information about the system on the official website.
