The term "mistress" (aijin) differs from a temporary affair in that it refers to a "partner who provides continuous financial support and has an intimate relationship."
Originally, the word was used in a positive sense to mean "a loved one" or "a lover," but after the war, the media began using it as a euphemism for "a concubine," and it has since taken on its current nuance.
Source:Selected Japanese Dictionary
Many people probably wonder, "What's the difference between having a mistress and having an affair?" or "I'm interested in having an affair, but I'm worried about the legal risks..."
This article, based on UNIVERSE GROUP's operational data and practical experience in dating clubs, provides a detailed explanation of everything from the precise definition of a mistress to the differences between infidelity, cheating, and sugar dating, as well as legal risks and safe ways to meet someone.
Teacher Yumiko
Hi, I'm Yumiko. I've met about 50 men so far and earned a total of about 900 million yen. That's an average of 20 to 30 yen per month. In the past, I've had relationships with financially well-off married men and almost got caught by their wives.
If you're looking to start meeting people as an adult in a safe environment, check out PATOLO, which has a strict screening process and where more than half of its male members have an annual income of 2,000 million yen or more.
This media outlet is operated by UNIVERSE GROUP and provides information to help women considering or engaging in "sugar dating" make safe and satisfying choices. The content is based on actual user reviews and our own research, and we prioritize an unbiased perspective that includes not only the benefits but also the risks and points to be aware of.
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What is a mistress? The meaning of the word and its modern definition.
In modern Japanese, "aijin" (愛人) refers to "a partner other than one's spouse with whom one has a continuous sexual relationship and financial support."
Here, we will first organize the etymology and historical changes in the meaning of the word "mistress," and then explain in order the differences between mistress, adultery, and infidelity, as well as their legal status.
The word "aijin" (愛人) originally had a positive meaning, literally meaning "a person you love" or "a lover." In Natsume Soseki's novel "I Am a Cat," "aijin" also appears in this sense.
However, after the war, newspapers and television began to avoid using the kanji character for "concubine" and instead started using the character for "lover," which led to the current negative connotation becoming established.
It is said that a turning point was when Osamu Dazai referred to his mistress as a "lover" in his novel "The Setting Sun."
Incidentally, in Chinese, "愛人" means "spouse (husband/wife)," and in Korean, it's used to mean "lover." It's interesting how the same Chinese characters can have completely different meanings depending on the country.
The characteristics of extramarital affairs in modern times can be summarized in the following three points:
- Being in a continuous relationship
- The provision of financial support
- It is a secret relationship that cannot be made public.
This is fundamentally different from infidelity that ends with a temporary emotion or from extramarital affairs that do not involve the exchange of money.
Now, let's look at the differences in more detail.
The difference between a mistress and adultery/cheating
While "mistress," "adultery," and "cheating" are often confused, they each refer to different types of relationships.
The information is summarized in the table below.
| extramarital affair | Affair | Flirt | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Continuity of the relationship | Continuous and long-term relationships | Continuing ~ Temporary | temporary/short term |
| Monetary consideration | Financial support is available, including allowances and living expenses. | Basically none | None |
| Marital status of the parties involved | While the men are often married, they can also be single. | At least one of them is married | Regardless of marital status |
| How to deal with emotions | A purely transactional relationship is the focus. | Often, romantic feelings are involved. | Playful/Playful |
| Legal risks | If the other party is married, there is a risk of having to pay compensation. | Adultery is grounds for a claim for compensation. | If there is no physical relationship, the legal responsibility is low. |
To summarize, infidelity is a temporary, emotional relationship; adultery is an act of betrayal of the marital relationship; and a mistress is a continuous relationship accompanied by financial support, but is not illegal in itself.
Teacher Yumiko
Meeting only when it was convenient for him and receiving occasional gifts was close to "cheating." It wasn't until I started receiving a fixed amount of financial support each month that I realized, "Ah, this is an affair." Understanding this difference can help you objectively assess the kind of relationship you're in.
Is an extramarital affair legal or illegal? What is its legal status?
There are no laws in Japan that punish extramarital affairs themselves.
In other words, being a mistress is not illegal in itself.
However, the situation changes if the other person is married. Having a physical relationship with a married person constitutes "adultery" under civil law, and there is a legal risk that the other person's spouse may sue you for damages.
The going rate for compensation is generally said to be between several hundred thousand and 300 million yen, but in some cases it can be higher depending on the duration of the relationship and the severity of the offense.
Source: Source:ALG & Associates Law Firm: Average amount of compensation for infidelity
Even if a "mistress contract" is signed in writing, it is legally invalid because it goes against "public order and morality," which is contrary to common sense and morality in society.
Therefore, it is extremely dangerous to simply assume that "it's okay because it's not illegal."
Teacher Yumiko
I've also become more cautious about relationships with married men lately, considering the risks. Even if you think "he's single, so it's safe," there are cases where it turns out he's actually married. Make it a habit to check beforehand.
What is a mistress contract? Legal effect and points to note regarding written agreements.
An "extramarital affair contract" is a written agreement that sets out the financial terms and rules of an extramarital affair.
This document is created with the aim of preventing problems by clearly defining the amount of compensation, the frequency of meetings, and the agreement to maintain confidentiality.
However, in most cases, mistress contracts are deemed legally invalid.
Article 90 of the Civil CodeLegal acts that violate public order and morals are invalid.This is because it falls under the provision that states, "..."
Even with a written agreement, contractual rights are not legally protected.
Don't assume you're safe just because you have a contract.
Rather than relying on a written mistress contract, using services that involve a third party, such as dating clubs or sugar daddy apps, offers significantly better protection in case of problems.
The actual going rate for compensation and how to set conditions in "sugar dating"Knowing this can reduce the risk of accepting unfavorable terms.
What's the difference between a mistress and a sugar daddy? Comparing modern relationships.
While "mistress" and "sugar daddy" relationships may seem similar, the structure of the relationship and the magnitude of the risks involved are fundamentally different.
If you're thinking, "They're both the same, aren't they?", then be sure to check out the specific differences between the two in this section.
Five differences between having an affair and sugar dating
| Comparison item | extramarital affair | Daddy |
| Third-party intervention | None (person-to-person only) | Yes (through apps or dating clubs) |
| Identity Verification | Self-responsibility | With a screening-based app, the operator verifies the man's identity. |
| Transparency of relationships | Verbal agreements are the main method. | You can check the conditions (allowance amount, type of relationship) in advance. |
| Physical relationship | Often assumed | You can choose to have a meal only or just a date. |
| Troubleshooting | It can only be resolved between the parties involved. | Support, blocking, and reporting functions are available. |
This comparison shows that using a sugar daddy app offers greater safety advantages.
"Sugar dating is a safer, updated version of being a mistress."
While extramarital affairs have a long history, they are primarily based on interactions between individuals, which creates a structural problem where there is no one to turn to in case of trouble.
On the other hand, modern sugar dating involves apps with screening processes or dating clubs acting as intermediaries, where a third party handles everything from identity verification and negotiation of terms to resolving any problems.
In a sense, it's a "modern version of adult dating" that minimizes the risks of extramarital affairs.
For those who are thinking, "I want a mistress," I recommend starting by learning about safe ways to meet people through sugar daddy apps.
The original meaning of the word "patron,"Relationship with modern-day sugar datingUnderstanding this will allow you to carry out your activities with greater confidence and satisfaction.
Teacher Yumiko
I myself used to have extramarital affairs between individuals, but after experiencing trouble, I now always use services that involve a third party. The sense of security is completely different.
If you're looking to start meeting people as an adult in a safe environment, check out PATOLO, which has a strict screening process and where more than half of its male members have an annual income of 2,000 million yen or more.
The benefits of having an affair
While extramarital affairs carry risks, they also offer some advantages if properly understood.
Here are four representative examples.
- Building resilience and partnership
- An extraordinary and high-quality experience
- Mental healing and support
- No family responsibility or interference
Let's take a closer look at each.
Building resilience and partnership
One advantage is that financial support can be used as an investment in oneself for future independence.
Because it allows women to transform financial support from men into "intangible assets" that enable them to live independently, such as acquiring qualifications and improving their skills.
Whether you spend the allowance on immediate expenses or invest it in your future makes a huge difference in the value you gain from an extramarital affair.
Teacher Yumiko
Thanks to the support I received, I was able to attend a web design school and acquire specialized skills—a valuable asset for life. It's important to think of your allowance as an investment rather than something to spend.
An extraordinary and high-quality experience
One of the advantages is that you can improve yourself through extraordinary and high-quality experiences.
Men with financial stability tend to have a deeper understanding of things and how they use their time.
It offers a special opportunity to stimulate your intellect and sensibilities in a way that you wouldn't get from a typical romantic relationship.
Teacher Yumiko
The trip I took with him to a five-star hotel overseas was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I'll never forget it. It also contributed to my personal growth in the sense that it broadened my perspective on the world.
Mental healing and support
Having an affair offers significant advantages, such as providing "emotional support" that alleviates the loneliness and fatigue of everyday life.
Because they are someone who is free from the constraints of daily human relationships, you can feel safe enough to confide your true feelings and vulnerabilities to them.
That kind of relationship could be considered part of the appeal of an extramarital affair. Such a relationship can sometimes lead to emotional stability.
Teacher Yumiko
For example, simply listening silently to my work complaints and reassuring me with "It's not your fault" is incredibly comforting.
No family responsibility or interference
One of the advantages is that there are no family responsibilities or interference in your private life, allowing you to maintain a comfortable distance that gives you mental freedom.
It's like being in a romantic relationship, but without the constraints of romance; you can enjoy peaceful time free from heavy responsibilities and emotional maneuvering.
Because we can prioritize each other's time, it's a relationship that's easier to maintain in the long run.
Teacher Yumiko
Our individual time is always our top priority. This kind of detached distance is the ultimate luxury for me.
Disadvantages of having an extramarital affair
Behind the glamorous image of extramarital affairs, there are four significant drawbacks that cannot be overlooked.
Focusing solely on the benefits could lead to irreversible consequences, so be sure to check everything carefully.
- Risk of high compensation claims
- Social credibility and future impact
- Spiritual loneliness and dependence
- The guilt of hiding
Let me explain each one.
Risk of high compensation claims
The biggest disadvantage is,If the other party is married, there is a very real risk that their spouse could legally demand a large sum of compensation.
Physical relationships with married people"Adultery"This constitutes an illegal act and could cause the other person's family to fall apart.
The going rate for compensation is around 50 to 300 yen, but it can be even higher in serious cases or if the marriage lasted a long time.
Teacher Yumiko
I never want to experience again the days of fearing when a certified letter might arrive, or the terror of the possibility that a private investigator might be hired.
Social credibility and future impact
If an extramarital affair is discovered by those around you, you may lose social credibility and it could have serious negative consequences for your future.
Once someone is labeled with the negative label of "mistress," it is extremely difficult to change that impression.
It's important to remember that this can have repercussions that extend to work relationships and even friendships.
Teacher Yumiko
Just like how one might fear their affair being exposed if they accidentally ran into a friend on the street, an affair was always accompanied by the fear of being found out.
Spiritual loneliness and dependence
Even if an extramarital affair is superficially fulfilling,There are also disadvantages, such as a high risk of severe emotional loneliness and becoming overly dependent on the other person.
The anxiety caused by sudden loss of contact, and the emptiness of not being able to spend anniversaries and special occasions together, tend to grow over time.
There is a high possibility of becoming financially and emotionally dependent.
Teacher Yumiko
If you're tormented by anxiety, thinking, "Will I be dumped just because they contact me less?", that might be a sign that your heart is already completely dependent on them.
The guilt of hiding
Another downside of being a mistress is that the guilt that accumulates from constantly lying can eventually eat away at your mental health.
Carrying a secret that you can never reveal to your friends, family, or other important people in your life can be a far greater mental burden than you might imagine.
The guilt of deceiving those around you gradually becomes a heavy mental burden.
Teacher Yumiko
When I went back to my parents' house for a visit, they asked me, "Isn't there anyone nice out there?" and the moment I had to smile and lie was really tough.
If, after considering these risks, you still want to look for a partner, please be sure to check out the safe methods described later.
Characteristics of women who are likely to become mistresses
Women who are chosen as mistresses by men share several common characteristics.
Check to see if any of these apply to you.
- Easily dependent on economic and emotional factors
- Do not pry into their family or private life.
- We can offer "healing" and "an escape from the ordinary."
- High level of awareness regarding keeping secrets
Let's take a closer look at each.
Easily dependent on economic and emotional factors
Women who are prone to financial and emotional dependence are more likely to become mistresses.
"I want to be supported."Driven by desire, one becomes infatuated with the other person's kindness, and before they know it, their life revolves around that person.
Even receiving financial assistance often makes it difficult to break off a relationship due to the fear of losing the other person.
Teacher Yumiko
Once I met him and experienced the financial security he provided, I couldn't escape. By the time I realized I was addicted, I was already afraid to end the relationship.
Do not pry into their family or private life.
Women who don't get too involved in a man's family or private life tend to have longer-lasting relationships as mistresses.
Men are looking for a "mental resting place" away from home and work, so showing maturity and respect without prying will lead to trust.
Teacher Yumiko
When I asked him about his wife out of loneliness, his expression froze, and I deeply regretted it. It's an unwritten rule not to pry.
We can offer "healing" and "an escape from the ordinary."
For men who are tired from work and family life, a woman who can provide a sanctuary where they can relax and unwind is highly valued.
Small acts of thoughtfulness and smiles are what make people want to see you again.
Teacher Yumiko
When I smiled at him without asking any questions, he said, "I can forget everything when I'm with you." My role is to be his "sanctuary."
High level of awareness regarding keeping secrets
Because it's a relationship that can't be made public, a woman who can quietly protect it without telling anyone earns the absolute trust of a man.
Making others feel calm and at ease will form the foundation of a long-term relationship.
Teacher Yumiko
When I told my best friend about him, she got really angry and said, "If you can't trust me, then I can't see you." I realized then that I have no right to not be able to keep a secret.
If these characteristics sound familiar to you, please refer to the safe ways of meeting people that we will introduce next.
Two safe ways to find a lover
Understanding the risks of extramarital affairs, there are three main ways to safely find a partner.
Let's look at the characteristics of each. If you want to know more about how to start sugar dating,This article explains everything from the definition and legality of "sugar dating" to how to meet people involved in it.Please also refer to this.
- Dating club
- Dad activity app
Let me explain each one.
Dating club
One way to find a lover safely is,"Dating club"This is how it works.
Men undergo a screening process based on their occupation and annual income, allowing them to meet gentlemen such as doctors and business owners.
In established clubs like Universe Club, staff members act as intermediaries, making the process significantly safer than direct transactions between individuals.
Teacher Yumiko
I used Universe Club, and the staff were sincere, and I was able to meet people naturally and without any pressure. I would recommend this method to anyone who wants to meet a decent person.
Sugar daddy app (PATOLO)
You can find dates efficiently and safely using "sugar daddy apps."
The appeal lies in the fact that you can be matched with someone who shares your goals, with the understanding that compensation will be provided.
In particular, PATOLO is an app with a strict screening process, where more than half of the male members have an annual income of 2,000 million yen or more.
You can confirm the amount of compensation and the type of relationship in advance, and there are robust safety measures in place, such as a full guarantee of transportation expenses for the initial meeting and the signing of a confidentiality agreement.
Teacher Yumiko
I used PATOLO. It has a rating system for women, making it easier to choose a sincere partner. I recommend it to anyone looking for a casual yet dignified encounter.
With PATOLO, you can find your ideal partner while minimizing the risks of an extramarital affair.
Frequently Asked Questions (Q&A)
We have compiled a Q&A of frequently asked questions from readers about extramarital affairs.
Resolve your anxieties and questions to help you make safer decisions.
Q1. Is it always possible to receive "severance pay" when ending an extramarital affair?
When ending an extramarital affair, what is called "severance pay" isIt's not guaranteed that you'll receive it.
Ultimately, whether or not payment is made depends on the discussions between the parties involved and the other party's willingness.
Even if a written agreement for an extramarital affair is made, in most cases it will not be recognized as having legal effect because it is considered contrary to public order and morals.
Q2. What should I do if I am sued by the other party's spouse?
If you are sued, ignoring it is not an option.Since the amount of compensation may be unfair, it is advisable to consult with a lawyer.
If you agree to a settlement on your own, you risk accepting unfavorable terms.
Q3. Are there taxes on money earned through extramarital affairs?
Money received as an allowance for a mistress is, in principle, subject to gift tax.
If the total amount of money you receive in a year (January to December) exceeds 1.1 million yen, you are required to file a tax return, and taxes will be levied on the amount exceeding that limit.
Source:National Tax Agency Gift Tax
Q4. What are some ways to end an extramarital affair and what measures can be taken to prevent lingering problems?
When ending an extramarital affair, it's important to act calmly and step by step, rather than being driven solely by emotion.
If you tell the other person, "From now on, I want to cherish my own time," they are more likely to understand and accept it.
Suddenly cutting off contact carries the risk of enraging the other person, so gradually fading out of contact is also a good approach.
Q5. What is the difference between having a mistress and engaging in "sugar dating"?
While extramarital affairs are private relationships between individuals, "sugar dating" involves meeting someone through a third-party service such as an app or dating club.
The biggest difference between sugar dating and being a mistress is that you can choose relationships that only involve meals or dates, and you can confirm the conditions beforehand, making it easier to control the risks.
For more information on safe ways to meet people,List of typical rates for "sugar daddy" relationshipsPlease refer to.
Summary: Success in an extramarital affair depends on a thorough understanding of the risks and an investment in safety.
A mistress is a partner who provides ongoing financial support and with whom one has an intimate relationship.
While this type of relationship is different from infidelity or adultery and is not punishable by law, if the other party is married, there is a real risk of having to pay compensation.
Let's review the key points of this article.
- A mistress is a partner who provides "continuous financial support + an intimate relationship."
- While extramarital affairs themselves are not illegal, there is a risk of having to pay compensation if the other party is married.
- In most cases, extramarital affair contracts are illegal and therefore invalid as they violate public order and morals.
- "Sugar dating" is a "modern version of safe dating" that minimizes the risks of extramarital affairs.
- If you want to meet someone safely, using a screening-based app or a dating club is recommended.
Behind the glamour lies legal and psychological risks, so it's important to act based on a proper understanding of the risks, rather than being driven by emotion.
If you're looking to start a safe and adult dating experience, why not try PATOLO, which has a strict screening process, to find your ideal partner?
