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2023/01/30

I'm afraid of being found out by my company or my friends

Hello.
My name is Oda from the PATOLO promotion team.This time

I'm afraid of being found out by my company or my friends

I would like to talk about Even if you are interested in becoming a father, many people who don't actually try it are because they feel there is a risk of being found out.An example of something to worry about is ・I don't want my family and friends to find out and make a bad impression. ・I don't want my company or school to find out and give me a bad evaluation or impression. ・I don't like it if my SNS's real dirt is exposed. - Or something like that?This time, I'd like to take a deeper look into what would happen if someone were to find out, and whether there are any ways to avoid it.

What happens if you get caught?

What will happen if I get caught?I think this varies depending on the person.That's why I decided to ask myself this question in order to uncover the true nature of my anxiety.

What happens if your parents find out?

For college students who live at home, it's true that they may feel a little uncomfortable at home.However, I feel like it's not that common for parents to find out.In the past, I was forced to leave the club after my messages and photos were seen on my cell phone.There was a case of this happening, but since those social clubs are only available to those over the age of 18, and the women are also adults, I don't think the impact on their parents would be that great.If you have a family background or are in a very strict household, give up gracefully.There's nothing good about not forcing yourself to be active, so if the risk is too great, don't do it.However, overall, there are more working adults in their 20s and older who live alone, so their parents are not at home and they are responsible for their own lives, so there are not many situations or routes where their parents find out. There is no such thing, and it may be a pattern that is unlikely to be expected if the parents find out.

What happens if your school or company finds out?

School and work are a little different, so I'd like to think about them separately. First of all, regarding "school," in the case of students, this is connected to the story about parents earlier, but the relationship with parents is still deep. I think they are often in the environment, so I can't say for sure how the school will find out, but if the school finds out, the school and teachers will also know, so please report it to the parents and share it. I have to leave it there.Eventually, my parents were informed and we had a lot of trouble.You might be able to think of something like that.However, as I have reiterated, you must be over 18 years old to use the social club, so high school students are not allowed, and if there are students, they are university students. *For Universe Club, current high school students cannot register or use the club even if they are 18 years old.They said they were doing this as a voluntary measure.In the case of university, there are fewer credits such as classes, and I think there is a greater proportion of individual activities and decisions than in high school, so teachers often contact parents.That doesn't seem to happen that often.However, if the university's name was used as a selling point in Dad-Katsu, I think there is a possibility that the university would make a fuss over the damage to its brand (image). Are students at ○○ university excited about being a dad?What is the surprising know-how to extract money from middle-aged rich men?It would be a problem if articles and rumors like this spread. (I feel like the people who seriously give titles like this are the ones who are the most upset than me, but...) Anyway, as I wrote in another article,Should I answer when asked what my real name is?'', but it may be a bit dangerous to advertise the name of the university you attend.I can't say anything about the fact that the company will find out, but I don't think it will affect the company itself.It may depend on the company culture, but basically individuals are free to have any kind of friendships or relationships, so I don't think it's something that companies can really get into.Just like political beliefs or religious beliefs, I think that even if the company finds out, the company will take some action.However, this is just a matter of ``the company'', and if a co-worker found out about it, or a senior at the office found out about it, interpersonal relationships at work deteriorated, or people were blackmailed by their weaknesses. It may not have been possible for him to have been threatened or something like that.It's like a daytime drama and I don't like it. . The managing director's former mistress is a senior in the same department and he is a moderate person, Actually, I was also a newlywed married person, and he saved me from having troubles. I fell in love with the managing director, thinking that he's a kind person. The office was abandoned, and I was the one who became the cauldron. But without knowing that, my relationship with the managing director deepened. One day, my senior told me about it, and if you don't want to be exposed to your husband, listen to what I say!I was told that... Well, I don't think they would overlap in such a small world, but an affair with an executive within the company or an affair with an executive at a business partner would be more problematic for the company, so we met privately on a matching app in the year. I'm dating an older man.Honestly, I think the company would just say, ``Huh. That's right. Yes.''However, similar to the story about universities earlier, I think it would be better not to go out of your way to mention the name of the company you work for, even though you are mutually agreeable.Our relationship has never been strained, but just because of a little incident, things like ``he came to the office,'' ``I received a call to confirm my employment status,'' ``I received a piece of mail,'' and other troublesome things. I can't say it won't happen.Wouldn't it be better to at least not say it yourself? One thing that is a little worrying is that those who are job hunting may want to be a little cautious.After joining the company, individuals are free to do whatever they want in their private time as long as it does not violate the law, but when hiring before joining the company, the hiring party also does what is best for the company. If you are thinking of hiring someone and want to know a lot of things about them, you won't know if they are actually a good person (for example, an excellent person who can produce results) until you try them, so try to judge based on their image etc. I think there are many.Of course, there are recruitment exams, so I'm sure this is based on the results of those exams, but I think it's common for people to search for us on social media.At such times, people who are at this stage are a little worried when they think about what the impression will be on the hiring manager's side if they find out.

If you prepare some excuses in advance even if you get caught, will it be easier mentally?

Are you trying to be a dad to a friend or someone?If you think about how you will respond in advance, you won't have to panic if you actually get caught. ``Why did you think that?'' ``Mr. ○○ really wanted me to register.'' ``He asked me to just register.'' If you think of excuses first, you can I think you can feel safe.If you just think about it, it might not turn out that way at all, but if you have anxiety, it might be worth a try.

Is there a way to not find out?

When people say, ``How to not get caught,'' I think it's difficult to come up with a method that can absolutely guarantee that it won't happen. ``The only way to avoid traffic accidents is to not leave the house at all.'' So rather than looking for things that will never be discovered, it is better to identify the risks and consider what is acceptable and what is not. I think about things by dividing them into things that can be addressed and things that can't, and if it still doesn't work, I don't take any action.There is some risk, but if it's within an acceptable range, I'll give it a try.I think it would be better to try it out and then make a decision.It is a matrix similar to insurance etc., but there are risks that are large and risks that are small.This varies from person to person, so each person needs to think about it individually.For example, there are the targets we talked about today, such as parents, friends, school, and work, and we will look at the magnitude of the risk for each of these.Parents: They are already independent and working adults, so there is almost no impact on them at this point.Risk: I've already told my close friends, so there's no problem.Risk-free school → It doesn't matter because you are already a member of society.No risk.There is absolutely no way that my colleagues at work will find out and rumors spread.Big risk. You might get criticized for the dirty tricks on Twitter.The risk is low to medium, and it feels like it's forced on the part of the company... Then, we look at the likely frequency of occurrence in relation to the size of the risk.In this article, there are many cases where the frequency is not high to begin with, so it may be difficult to fit them properly, but if you try to fit the magnitude of risk on the vertical axis (X) and the frequency on the horizontal axis (Y), you can roughly It is divided into four parts.・The risk when it happens is high and the frequency is high ・The risk when it happens is high and the frequency is low ・The risk when it happens is small and the frequency is high ・The risk when it happens is low and the frequency is high will also be low. *I have not prepared a diagram, so please use your imagination m(_ _)m The way to deal with it will be different for each case.・The risk when it happens is high and the frequency is high → It is better not to enter in the first place.・The risk when it happens is high, but the frequency is low → Insurance generally covers this.・The risk when it happens is small and the frequency is high → Improve the system and other measures by yourself.・When it happens, the risk is small and the frequency is low → Ignore it If we apply this to the risk mentioned earlier, it seems likely that there will be something like "getting criticized on Twitter for secret information", so it seems to be a high frequency, but you can remain anonymous on the internet using a fake name. If the things you tweet behind the scenes don't cause any damage to others, you can reset them by deleting your account in the worst case, so it may be infrequent or not, but it can be ignored.However, if you get criticized often and often, you might want to improve your content, wording, and photos you use.There's no such thing as "insurance" if something that is infrequent and has a high risk is, for example, if your parents find out about it, so if you can take precautions by thinking of a few different excuses in advance, I think it's okay. and.It is difficult to find examples of things that occur frequently and pose great risks, but it is wise to stay away from places where death-like events occur frequently.It was like trying to kill myself.If you're concerned about the risk, don't force yourself to do it.Let's go back to the basics and calmly reconsider why you wanted to become a father.If the reason is that you need money, consider whether there are other jobs or ways to earn money, or if you don't have enough living expenses, consider ways to reduce fixed costs and other expenses instead of increasing your income. There may be other ways to think about it or overcome it.As a side note, it is against the law for anyone under the age of 18 to use a false ID to register for or engage in dating clubs or matching apps, so please refrain from doing so.

Summary

What did you think.This time, we talked about the theme of ``I'm afraid of being found out by my work or friends.''Basically, unless it is intentionally disclosed with malicious intent, no one is that interested in other people's affairs, so there should be no problem, but in the modern Internet society, we do not know where or how it will be transmitted. , I think it makes sense to clear your head once.If you don't mind, I would appreciate it if you could give me some advice in the comments section, such as ``If I get caught, I'll make this excuse'' or ``I'll do this to avoid getting caught.''We are also looking forward to stories such as ``I had this kind of trouble'', ``I overcame this kind of chaos'', and ``I've been caught out in this kind of case''.Of course, there is a possibility that something will be revealed by writing in the comment section, so I would be happy if you could post as much as you can.See you in the next article.thank you very much! Back to list >